Day 9 of tagging (8 if you deduct the day off I took) and my MO was already asking me how long I should tag for.
I got scolded by that same MO for informing him of things and not looking at the patient first.
Too used to my previous posting modus operandi, I suppose. Also my previous posting MOs.
Like, he actually swore at me and snatched the BHT and observation charts before stalking off to see the patient while I stood there for a few moments, blinking my confusion (and guilt). Then I followed him and had to endure him telling me how incapable I was and that I was a Dr., not an informer, and that I should be able to clinically judge the patient, yadda yadda yadda (believe me I took everything to heart but I can't tell you everything. I don't dismiss my bosses' complaints to me no matter how hurtful they are).
Half an hour later and throughout the rest of the day he was very playful with me.
You can't spell "moody" without "MO", eh? Eh?
I have been targeted by several MOs for various reasons that used to not make sense to me.
Like, the way I talk.
Or the silly mistakes I did.
The more playful some MOs are with you, the more likely other MOs are to dislike you (or target you, whichever way you see it). It's something this department is famous for. It's weird, after being in such a different environment in my other posting.
But after being in this posting for such a brief period, I can sort of understand where they get all their stress and anger from sometimes. It's such a demanding posting, and you have to be meticulous yet quick and efficient; have compassion and yet still have the emotional range of a robot when it comes to carrying out certain stuff. How does one find the balance in all that? No wonder they're all moody as anything.
Of course, being the planktons in the food chain of the department, HOs are the main source of consumption.
Lesigh.
Joy in the little things.
Like when one of my patients accidentally called me 'Misi', but continued on with 'Misi, misi maanyak cantik'. Tiredness = Evaporated. I mean, she might have an eyesight problem (she does, to be fair) but my heart flowered and burst into many colourful, fragrant pieces that shattered the dreariness of the day in one single, brief moment.
Then the patient next to her had to comment that she has been saying it since earlier that evening, but she might have been mistaking me for a ghost. That was a total downer zzz.
Or when one of my MOs showed his amazement at my ability to clerk a patient, and include relevant scoring systems pertaining to her condition. Sadly, he was comparing me to another person who was also in my batch, also the same number of postings- and stating how we were so different in working quality. I actually knew there were other factors (I had ages to clerk the case as my MO was busy doing other stuff, and the other person had so little time)... And how I still relished the comparison that I was better than someone.
It's an entirely disgusting, human thing to feel. Most of us do not want to admit that being told we are better than others is actually cathartic. Unfortunately, that is the truth.
Being able to take a patient's ABG.
Having the patient who was previously dreading my approach, actually smile at me each time I review her and being more willing to let me take her blood and insert IV lines for her.
Having patients and relatives thank me for the smallest of things.
Of course, there are many other bad things that happened to me, but why would I waste my precious energy memorializing them? Heh heh.
When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.
I make sure I have other things to think about.
Life outside the walls of the ward.
Days away from the hospital.
Not to mention the satisfaction of well carried-out plans.
The Grand Scheme of Things, in which these 4 months are but a blip in the existence of my life.
So many things to look forward to, that it is stupid to stay stagnant in a pool of fear over what a single MO has done to me. Or several.
And you will need to vent.
You will need an outlet.
It just so happens, one of my best outlets is this blog.
I know I'm improving, and I will prove that I'm not the non-functional tagger I was on my first day here!
Eh. I sound so confident here.
No lah.
* - Disclaimer: I love my MOs. Just like they love me. Haha.
I got scolded by that same MO for informing him of things and not looking at the patient first.
Too used to my previous posting modus operandi, I suppose. Also my previous posting MOs.
Like, he actually swore at me and snatched the BHT and observation charts before stalking off to see the patient while I stood there for a few moments, blinking my confusion (and guilt). Then I followed him and had to endure him telling me how incapable I was and that I was a Dr., not an informer, and that I should be able to clinically judge the patient, yadda yadda yadda (believe me I took everything to heart but I can't tell you everything. I don't dismiss my bosses' complaints to me no matter how hurtful they are).
Half an hour later and throughout the rest of the day he was very playful with me.
You can't spell "moody" without "MO", eh? Eh?
**********
I have been targeted by several MOs for various reasons that used to not make sense to me.
Like, the way I talk.
Or the silly mistakes I did.
The more playful some MOs are with you, the more likely other MOs are to dislike you (or target you, whichever way you see it). It's something this department is famous for. It's weird, after being in such a different environment in my other posting.
But after being in this posting for such a brief period, I can sort of understand where they get all their stress and anger from sometimes. It's such a demanding posting, and you have to be meticulous yet quick and efficient; have compassion and yet still have the emotional range of a robot when it comes to carrying out certain stuff. How does one find the balance in all that? No wonder they're all moody as anything.
Of course, being the planktons in the food chain of the department, HOs are the main source of consumption.
Lesigh.
**********
Joy in the little things.
Like when one of my patients accidentally called me 'Misi', but continued on with 'Misi, misi maanyak cantik'. Tiredness = Evaporated. I mean, she might have an eyesight problem (she does, to be fair) but my heart flowered and burst into many colourful, fragrant pieces that shattered the dreariness of the day in one single, brief moment.
Then the patient next to her had to comment that she has been saying it since earlier that evening, but she might have been mistaking me for a ghost. That was a total downer zzz.
Or when one of my MOs showed his amazement at my ability to clerk a patient, and include relevant scoring systems pertaining to her condition. Sadly, he was comparing me to another person who was also in my batch, also the same number of postings- and stating how we were so different in working quality. I actually knew there were other factors (I had ages to clerk the case as my MO was busy doing other stuff, and the other person had so little time)... And how I still relished the comparison that I was better than someone.
It's an entirely disgusting, human thing to feel. Most of us do not want to admit that being told we are better than others is actually cathartic. Unfortunately, that is the truth.
Being able to take a patient's ABG.
Having the patient who was previously dreading my approach, actually smile at me each time I review her and being more willing to let me take her blood and insert IV lines for her.
Having patients and relatives thank me for the smallest of things.
Of course, there are many other bad things that happened to me, but why would I waste my precious energy memorializing them? Heh heh.
**********
When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.
I make sure I have other things to think about.
Life outside the walls of the ward.
Days away from the hospital.
Not to mention the satisfaction of well carried-out plans.
The Grand Scheme of Things, in which these 4 months are but a blip in the existence of my life.
So many things to look forward to, that it is stupid to stay stagnant in a pool of fear over what a single MO has done to me. Or several.
**********
And you will need to vent.
You will need an outlet.
It just so happens, one of my best outlets is this blog.
I know I'm improving, and I will prove that I'm not the non-functional tagger I was on my first day here!
Eh. I sound so confident here.
No lah.
* - Disclaimer: I love my MOs. Just like they love me. Haha.
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