I was wasting money in my favourite shopping place in this district (obviously Hospimart) when a lady came up to me.
"Dr baru habis kerja ye?" asked the middle-aged lady. She was wearing baju kurung, and being there so late at night I wondered if she was the relative of one of my patients. I barely recognise them, but I tried my best to be friendly nonetheless.
"Ha'ah mak cik. Biasalah, satu hari kerja, lapar malam-malam ni", I replied, grinning.
"Tak pe Dr, kerja macam Dr ni banyak pahala..." She told me. I just smiled and nodded, and said I hoped so.
Then she told me, "Sebenarnya anak mak cik dulu pun macam Dr juga. Dia jadi doktor pelatih. Tapi dia tak tahan dengan bebanan kerja... Jadi dia pun dah berhenti. Tak sanggup kerja lagi sebagai doktor. Puas mak cik pujuk dia, dia memang tak mahu dah. Rasa macam luruh hati mak cik... Berharap sangat nak ada doktor dalam keluarga. Nak buat macamana?"
I was taken aback.
"Bagus lah Dr tak putus semangat. Orang yang kuat sahaja boleh tahan kerja macam ni. Apa nak buat, anak mak cik tak boleh nak tahan..." She was getting tearful, and I was reaching my capacity too. How troubled the mother was. Her voice was breaking.
I put a hand on her shoulder and patted her, looking her in the eye.
"Mak cik, saya pasti semua yang berlaku ada hikmahnya. Rezeki anak mak cik di tempat lain. Mungkin dia yang akan boleh jaga mak cik nanti, walaupun dia bukan Dr.
"Saya sendiri, atuk sendiri sakit, ibu bapa sendiri sakit, jarang sangat dapat nak melawat. Sebab selalu jaga orang lain punya atuk, orang lain punya ibu bapa..." I felt my own tears threatening to fall, but I plowed on.
"Saya tahu mak cik sedih. Tetapi percayalah, mak cik langsung tak rugi kalau mak cik percaya pada perancangan Tuhan. Mestu ada hikmahnya, saya percaya. Mungkin tak nampak sekarang, tapi lambat laun mesti mak cik perasan."
The lady nodded,wiping her tears. "Saya tahu, tapi kadang-kadang masih rasa menyesal."
I nodded sympathetically. We exchanged a few parting words, and I took my leave, my head abuzz with emotions and thoughts.
It's almost natural, it seems, for parents to want at least one of their offspring to become a doctor- except to parents who actually are/were doctors. At least it seems that way in this country. And it transcends racial boundaries.
I do not understand the fascination, not entirely, but then again I already am a doctor. I am well aware of our capabilities and our large limitations; I was, in fact, a product of such thoughts. My parents really wanted me to become a doctor. I was 'brainwashed' since my infancy, to the point that I actually thought I was here of my own volition.
But that's obviously not true.
No toddler would want to do this for the rest of her life.
And yet there is something so tangible, so rewarding, at the end of the day. The moment you leave the hospital, one of those rare moments where you are actively reaching beyond the walls of your wards or the hurtful words of your seniors, your own thoughts of inadequacy. These are the moments when you feel, 'Yes, I can do this for a lifetime. I can keep on doing this, just give me some breaks in between.'
And life as a house officer, I believe, is way more rewarding than medical student life.
Don't get me wrong, student years are very fun and there is no beating that 'no responsibilities' feeling. But now I get to own my hard-earned money. The hours can be crazy long, but we do get some rest in between. And in the end, I contribute. Despite my lack of experience, and sometimes my mistakes; despite the scoldings of being mere 'clerks' and the feeling of just having to follow orders. Despite these, I have contributed to the society in some way. I have helped save some lives.
I have, most importantly, played a part in alleviating other people's pain and suffering, and brought smiles to their faces.
Perhaps this can be the most rewarding job in the world. But for it to be that way, I must always look above and beyond my hospital walls.
And I pray, so that those parents- whose hopes seem shattered beyond repair when their children refuse to become a doctor- will find the truth and see the advantages of a child not working in the healthcare service. Most other jobs are rewarding, too, as long as one's intentions are right.
Anyway, it has not been the easiest past few weeks. And the story I just told happened in one of my previous postings. I feel like I lost so many insightful moments when I do not write them down somehow.
But at least this one will stick for a while :)
