March 30th is a Thing.

We have a day, apparently.

Happy Doctors' Day!


Now get back to work.

Off-Day Thoughts: Where Does the Money Go?

First salary has been here for barely a few days, et voila! More than half is gone.
Such is the way for salaries, I suppose ^^;

There are two ways this could have gone: You could have expected it and shrugged it off, budgeting for the rest of your month, or this could have been a total shocker and you find yourself floundering with almost no money to spend for the rest of the month.

And guess what, if your student-day allowances don't fulfil your needs, chances are your working day salaries won't either, despite the hefty increment.

So what gives?


PLANNING

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail, an old adage goes. I concur with this.

I am very much the planner type. To avoid future mishaps and try as much as I can to navigate the unforeseen, I plan ahead- very much ahead.

In fact, knowing more or less the salary I would be given, I have started planning- very amateur-ly- my salary since my second year of medical school. From then, I knew the luxurious lives people keep saying doctors have, is utterly non-existent in my earlier years of working. I expected that I wouldn't be able to get a decent gaming laptop until at least several years of working and not spending on anything. I knew I wouldn't be able to realistically change my cellphone to a newer model every year without having to lose weeks' worth of groceries, and thus that is not going to happen.

I knew all this since my pre-clinical years in medical school.

I have thoroughly planned my salary division since a few months prior to entering the workforce, and I know how much I can expect to have left to myself after all the essentials are paid for- essentials being rent, bills, loans and insurance, as well as some fixed savings. I already know how much I can afford, more or less, on monthly groceries and phone bills.

This means even before working, I know what I can and cannot afford and I did not get anything I feel I cannot pay for in the future.

This will be grossly different depending on the lifestyle and upbringing you already have. I know of some wealthy people whose parents still give them a hefty sum of money every month even after they start working. I know of people who have to pay for EVERYTHING of their parents' after they start working. The key here is to suit your own budget, and NOT expect to get anything for yourself the first few months. That way, even the smallest extras for yourself feel rewarding!

Which brings us to the next thing...


MINDSET

Reward yourself, but don't do so lavishly.
Unless you're wealthy and you can afford it.

If you think a RM 15 chicken chop is a just reward, it WILL be. But if you keep on fixating on a RM 250++ lavish hotel dinner course as a just reward, then your pay as a new government servant won't be rewarding at all.

Therein lies the problem in most of my generation: We are so self-entitled, we think we deserve better than most people, when in fact, we ARE most people. And it's so much worse in new doctors sometimes, because they keep thinking their salaries are so high that they should be able to spend more than the regular office clerks or other hospital staff.

What we should realize is the fact that 1) those clerks we see have been working WAY longer than us; 2) people have other sources of income than their full-time jobs nowadays; and 3) most of us have massive student loans to pay for. The combination of these three points alone is enough to make you feel like salary-pinching.

So you're going to be a doctor.
That doesn't mean you can afford that expensive smartphone contract for 2 years.
So what if you don't have the latest phone? In reality, in the hospital, NOBODY CARES WHAT PHONE YOU USE. You can use the NOKIA 3310 and people will be stupefied, but any smartphone capable of making calls, staying in touch through group WhatsApp and surfing the web for medical information is enough for any young doctor. And these things do not require a RM3500++ stylish iPhone.

That contract looks small in comparison to your gaji.
But believe you me, small things tend to pile up, and there are always other costs incurred that you've not even entertained before.

So where does the money go?

Where your planning and mindset would lead them, silly!

Ah, and always keep aside some of your salary for your emergency savings account!

Okay bye must enjoy the rest of my off day!

The One Who Just Went Off-Tag~

I went 'off-tag' a few days ago.

Now I am expected to function fully in the wards.

Except, you know, first posters and fully-functioning within the first month of working... Ain't so easy for the people around them. Be that as it may, it's been a nice first on-call with understanding groupmates and MOs, and thankfully a low admission rate- to the point that one of my seniors already labeled me 'Anti-J'. Hah!

I was sick on my first on-call. Coupled with the increased stress, this made me less chirpy and efficient than usual, and many people noticed. I tried my best to function well but it was difficult, at least on my terms. Fortunately, again, I had a very understanding senior, who told me to go to sleep at 1030 pm, and even told the nurses to not disturb me if anything comes up during the night as I was sick (and new) And because of that, I was able to sleep for about 7 hours!

Apparently there was one admission or two while I was asleep and both were attended by him.
He didn't even want to wake me up.

Thank God for understanding people.

This department has been heaven-sent so far. I am glad I went along with it.


Anyway for something more useful:

1) Learn to prioritize.
2) Learn to steel yourself and do procedures alone
3) Learn to present concisely, according to specific MOs' preferences
4) Learn to find a way to take care of yourself and enjoy work.
5) Learn to get along with everyone

As for point #5, it has been made easy for me owing to the department's famous HO-friendly surroundings compared to any other departments (or hospitals, come to think of it). I have to keep reminding myself that it won't be this easy in the future.

But hell, for these 4 months (hopefully!), I'll enjoy this posting, even with the occasional disastrous days!

First Gaji

Gaji dah masuk.

In a timely manner, my first salary has arrived in my bank account- with no proclamations or fanfare. I checked my account online and, lo and behold, my bank account was in its 4-digit state again.

(Yes, I was that broke prior).

Unless some very generous chap is donating money to me for no apparent reason, this is it, folks: My first ever salary is here~!


I'm telling you it feels like some of your blood, sweat, and tears, intermingled with the patients', is worth it.
Some la. 
The rest is left for your own personal job satisfaction.


Anyway, don't ask me how much I got for each tiny thing (the specific allowances, PTM allowance, etc). I'm not sure, and the first salary is usually larger than your subsequent salaries until your increment comes, because of PTM. Furthermore, it's not like I got the salary slip (slip gaji) yet- I'm not sure if that's something I get physically or online; something they send to me or I have to retrieve myself from the office.

Be that as it may, this will be a day to remember!

Alhamdulillah.




Although, owing to many loans and obligations... I won't stay this rich for long heheh.

Of Awesome MOs

*Large clock behind ward counter reads 0945 P.M.*

MO on-call: *sees clock then stares daggers at us two taggers* Eh, what are you all doing here? Faster go home la!

Me: Dr, cannot punch out yet, still not 10 pm...

MO: You walk slow-slow, by the time you reach the machine it's 10 pm already. Faster go go!

*10 minutes later we're still behind the counter doing stuff*

MO: EY! I already told you to go home what are you all still doing here?! Go home la!

Did I mention this is the third consecutive time this week that the MO on call told us (nay, shooed us is more precise) to go home on time? And each day is a different MO.

This department is so awesome I think I'm getting manjalitis.

"Doctor posting yang berapa ni?"

Sister: Doctor, posting yang keberapa ni?

Me: Posting first, Sister~

Sister: Ye ke? Laa, saya ingatkan dah berapa. Cara Doctor macam bukan first poster~

That simple remark just made my day.

And possibly my entire week.

Never underestimate kindness. Such an off-hand remark from a friendly ward sister and it was enough to make my heart bloom again; made me treat patients with a bigger smile on my face... 

The impact is astounding.

Also the 'Thank you, Dr!'s I got from patients and their parents. Today was filled with it- even though I only took care of the ward for two days. One even personally shook my hand and thanked me for the care I gave to her son.

Just... Amazing.

And to think just a few hours prior to that, I felt useless and felt I had no role in anything.

Today is one of those days that remind you of how rewarding this career is.

This kind of day is not guaranteed to happen every day.

I left my house crying today. For the first time since tagging, I really cried and wished I could quit. I considered taking emergency leave for my sanity. But someone saw me through it, and made me drag my butt to the hospital. For a while, the only thought in my head was "I should stop being selfish- there are people who need me."

And it was one of the greatest days I've had in a hospital.

There is no guarantee of what to expect.

Each brand new day is an opportunity for you to experience life's greatest pleasures, even in the most dire of times.

Believe in the silver lining. Believe that no good deed goes unrewarded, and that no bad deed goes unpunished. Just believe.

I don't intend to make this post braggy; I'm sorry if it sounds that way.

But it was an amazing day, and I know there will be more days like today- just like there will be more days like yesterday. But until and unless you wake up and bring yourself to greet the day, you'll never know what you'll miss!

And don't get me wrong, busy is busy. But there are types of busy that are more enjoyable, less hectic, mmkay. HOship is not a cakewalk!

Zzzz

Today, I got burns where my socks met the dorsum of my left foot.

I managed to drink two packets of Milo and eat some bread. That was it.

The food provided went into the trash.

What a shame.

But I know that I have got some good friends and superiors so that's amazing.

Also one of my MOs is super cute. Like, swoon-worthy cute.

Not that that registered in my head for more than a couple of hours before I got super busy and he left the hospital to do what cute MOs do when they're outside the hospital.

Also did I mention I'm getting married soon?

That said, I am now certain I do not want to become a paediatrician.

GUYS.

Buy lots of packet food for tagging period.

If you get hyper on coffee, GET IT. You need that extra energy.

Don't dwell on how horrible one superior makes you feel. Rather, try to put the feelings aside and focus on other things you have to carry out. Believe me, you're not the only one and not everyone else hates you for the same reason. Many people sympathize.

And be a total team player. #1 rule.

Also the occasional cute & kind MO does help a little.

This Posting is Sorta, Kinda Amazing.

Life is so amazing when you have helpful colleagues and superiors.

The hard tasks seem way more bearable.
Honestly. Sometimes I shudder to think of myself in other postings where the superiors aren't as nice. This department's reputation for nice superiors and colleagues and working system really exceeds expectations.

Even in the busiest of times, you do not feel too pressured. Don't get me wrong, the pressure is there. But knowing that your MOs will understand your business and help you with other tasks that are usually way below MO job scopes is a blessing. They do not force you to do rounds at a specific time. They know you're doing your job, and they do their best to help you, too.

When I ask for help or pointers, the worst reaction I can get is a slight remark in my need to study a topic- which rarely happens anyway. Most of the time they are just glad I asked questions pertaining the management of the patients, and explain their actions patiently. When I fail at a certain procedure more than twice, I can ask for their help to do it. Sometimes, I don't even have to ask- they'll just appear and volunteer to do it for me.

What. Even,

I haven't met all of the available MOs and senior HOs in my department, but I'm really happy with the ones I have so far. After tomorrow, though, I will be in a different ward... With different people. I'm kind of scared I'll do worse.

I'm not a super HO or anything, but I can find myself smiling as I do my work. The nurses are becoming friendlier and friendlier by the day. Everyone tries to help others in the ward.

This posting has so far been a great blessing. I was right; I wanted a different department initially, but thought that if I didn't get into that department, then God knows that's for the best, and I should stick to it.

I'm glad I did!

Off Day Thoughts

Yes, this exists even for taggers. But this may depend on the hospital because I have a friend who claims she doesn't get off days during the entire tagging period.

There are busy days, and there are slow (relaxing!) days.

I learned a lot in the past 4 days of tagging in an SCN/NICU:

1. You do not disturb the nurses when they have passovers to conduct, but they can very well disturb you during your am review, pm review and procedures to imply that you're being rather incompetent
2. A lot of nurses are very helpful despite their loudness
3. Your competency during your clinical years in medical school doesn't hold a candle to how your working days will be.
4. Remember when you were surprised at how messy and unorganized and incomplete the histories are for patients in the BHTs you read? YOU WILL DO IT TOO because you're simply pressed for time!
5. The success for blood-taking is 70% in your head, 30% skill. 40% what you learn from your senior HOs.
6. Your MOs are a blessing when they cover for you while the specialist asks questions you do not know the answer to. And these MOs may appear to be the stricter ones
7. My MOs are so good at blood-taking, they must have x-ray vision, but not limited to visualizing bones and soft tissues only.
8. It's actually easier to take blood from a neonate than a child, or even a grown-up... Most of the time
9. The useless feeling I get when I fail at blood-taking but my seniors do it in one simple go-
10. The helplessness I feel when the MO says something like 'Take blood C&S', 'TSB level QID', 'Prolonged jaundice workup' and 'Start IV C-Pen and Genta for this patient' because it means poking the babies!
11. Other than during a procedure, one of the worst moments in a day is when you have to wake up and get prepared to go to the hospital for another brand new day.
12. But when your patient recovers, you feel super happy
13. And when they come back after being discharged, you wonder if it's in any way your fault
14. Tedious things like writing discharge summaries take up time!
15. Learning to ignore negative reactions to you will be your best shield when your knowledge and competency is not up to par yet. And keep on trying and practicing because it will contribute to your future.
16. During tagging, you are expected to be functional- but your mistakes will be forgiven, especially when you're a first poster.

Et cetera.

But this is my first off day after a series of actual working days.

So I'm gonna rest and not think about hospital life too much.

And just FYI, I'm not exactly miserable during tagging periods. Sometimes it's actually really fun and makes me feel like dragging my butt off my bed in the morning was totally worth it. When it's totally horrible and suddenly the entire ward is in chaos, I reserve some of my thoughts to some of my favourite things, ala The Sound of Music. And always remember that the storm will pass, and there are people who can help me no matter how dire the situation feels at that moment.

Like now, I am just chilling in bed. The storm has passed.

Until tomorrow comes.

Then I won't be chilling anymore. But it's okay, chill days will come and experiences occur. And good deeds will never go to waste. :)

Kay bye need to do more chilling!

Early Morning Rant

Suddenly I'm so tired and feel like not going to the hospital.

The thought that keeps me from just breaking down with exhaustion is the fact that

1. It's not as exhausting as some other people's postings
2. I have great colleagues and superiors so far
3. I still have time to eat so why am I complaining and
4. The patients.


T____T

I'm telling you, there is no way I'm letting my children take up medicine. It's rewarding, truth be told. But sometimes it's more frustrating and tiring than rewarding.

Okay enough chit-chat must go.

Tagging

D2oL tagger here.

My feet are sore all the time.

But how can I complain when meals (breakfast, lunch, tea, and dinner) are provided for us?
Hehe.

Now Then...

Now that tagging period is almost here, I feel rather overwhelmed.

It doesn't help that all the staff we've seen are so nice and helpful. From the Hospital Director to the matrons and sisters to the staff who work in the hospital's linen/laundry place, I have never failed to see them greet us with warmth. Mind you there are exceptions, but those are understandable (e.g. when they're super busy working in the ward- or one whom I know really has difficulty cracking a single smile).

It also does't help that people said my to-be posting is one of the postings in this hospital with the most helpful staff... Okay, it helps a tiny bit.

Anyway.

I guess it's normal to feel overwhelmed and useless.

But what am I really doing about it?

Good bye, I should really start reading now!